Walking across the bridge today, I thought about how easy it would be to jump. Let me just say right now that I’m not suicidal and I have no intention of doing it but I did think about it. It just all seems so stupid right now. I get up I go to work, never completing all the things I have to do. I’ve got 6 projects and I never complete any of them to my own satisfaction. I always need to be going further and don’t seem to get any of them “captured”. Then I go home and fight with the wife. Not enough money, not enough time, not enough attention – there is always something. We need more stuff, we need different stuff, we need to get rid of the stuff we have. Too much sex, not enough sex or the sex we have is the right kind of sex. Then I go to sleep and do it all again the next day.
I drink to kill the monotony of my silly little life, to quite my mind. To stop the thoughts that I should be doing something other than working 10-hour days and still can’t even afford to buy a new pair of shoes. I don’t have time for my friends and if I did they wouldn’t have time for me. When I talk to anyone about this all they hear is my anger and frustration, which usually chokes them out. So here I am.
Can you say depression?
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