Dog on Board

Yes, I know I posted this before, but I like the photo.
















Hi, Chris.... Hope you log in.

Politically Correct Police

I had no idea, but apparently it is not PC to use the term "gypped". After all these years, I've been degrading and insulting the gypsies in my midst, if there is such a thing.

So, I'm sorry, take me to the Hague. I owe the Gypsies a pound of flesh.

And while, I'm doing time for unnoticed crimes, go ahead and gouge my eyes out and shiv my ears, but please don’t let Jeff Skilling off without some kind of sentence.

Thing We Remember

I miss her. She’d call me “stampie”. We’d go shoe shopping and she loved riding around in my old truck as we cruised through Spanish Harlem “shooting rats”. She was the smartest I’ve known and loved dogs more than people. She wanted more than I had to give at the time and stalked me outside restaurants when I was with my co-workers. I wish we could talk more but her husband should come first and I am smart enough to know that (pretty damn obvious to most people (MOST PEOPLE)). I want to look at her “eye tattoo”.

I miss her. She could sail and was always a trooper. We went to Marti Gras and she is the only person I can imagine, that could have exposed themselves while still maintaining her poise and dignity. She was unconfident, which was something I though to be unbearable, now I know that is typical. I want to hold her hand. She had great hands.

I miss others and think about them sometimes but these are the ones that mattered and although, I’ve had to rebuild my life this last calendar year, these are the ones who matter. These are honorable women and the reason that I keep hope. Thank you.

As I’m listening to Noam speak, I am thrilled to be back in a thinking life. I’m making music. I’m designing more since my first 4 years in NYC. It’s ok, but I still need to learn balance. My timing is still all off. I’m not perfect, but things are ok. I’m working on three coasts again soon and may start island hoping in the next few months.

No worries of infidelity, no park benches, no caffeine, no smoking, no tumor and little stress. Things have been worse.

A Bifurcated Tale

Sun drawn, under the sky,
We dug in, after most all things

The brine of night and the butter knifes
Sang the grains of light.

Liberty, watched as the glass round
Your neck, caught our eyes

In all the angles and relations
There are so many emulations
Of our hobby and our hearts
Of our hobby and our hearts

In all the ways to be divided
It’s ideal that we collided
In our hobbies and our hearts
In our hobbies and our hearts

Lucinda and your summer hair,
all soft and bright

We walked along the avenue
of a 1000’s smiles

The feathered Wink of altitude
gave up our miles

On the path that we did find
It’s so lucky to have aligned
In our hobbies and our hearts
In our hobbies and our hearts

Sharp as a whisper in the dark
and never to be split apart
In our hobby and our hearts
In our hobby and our hearts

POTATO ON FIRE (circa spud)

Shackiness Afoot

Just feeling totally detached yet pissy today. So I'm just going to include some photos of people I love.

Carl Sandburg visits me in a Dream

I cried myself to sleep last night
And the ghost of Carl, he approached my window
I was hypnotized, I was asked To improvise
On the attitude, the regret of a thousand centuries of death

Even with the heart of terror and the superstitious wearer
I am riding all alone I am writing all alone

Even in my best condition, counting all the superstition
I am riding all alone I am running all alone

And we laughed at the beatitudes of a thousand lines
We were asked, at the attitudes, they reminded us of death

Even with the rest belated, everything is antiquated
Are you writing from the heart? Are you writing from the heart?

Even in his heart the Devil has to know the water level
Are you writing from the heart? Are you writing from the heart?

And I cried myself to sleep last night
For the Earth, and materials, they may sound just right to me

Even with the rest belated, everything is antiquated
Are you writing from the heart? Are you writing from the heart?

Even in his heart the Devil has to know the water level
Are you writing from the heart? Are you writing from the heart?

Birth of Cool

It’s trippy when your city becomes the grooviest places in the country for two weeks every year. All the podcasts, movie 'zines and interactive media that I plow through from LA/Seattle/NYC have been going nuts about this years SXSW for a month. And now, this past weekend the people started arriving in droves.

They're throwing their money around in our neighborhood bars/restaurants/record stores and boutiques in an effort to enjoy the Southwest during their strange little window of time. The students are away and it's almost like having adult swim in Bat City, USA.

All "hater" indie-kid crap aside, it should be fun. All the bands: the unsigned acts, the old acts looking for a new home, the secrete shows, the label parties, the fashions, the half dozen or so hot movies I'll get to see that aren’t out yet and don’t forget about the people. Oh, yes the beautiful and fabulous people who will draw me out of the house and keep me out of some of my favorite venues for the next solid week.

Even Pearl digs it.

a tribute page

They prefer to be called little people but the most of the world they are know as midgets and this is my tribute them.

umpa lumpa















Peter Dinklage - The Station Agent - btw he went to Benington '91





















Verne Troyer - mini - me
and his strange tale 1 and 2
















Billy Barty
















Tony Cox




















Gary Coleman - the catch phrase of the 80's


















Hervé Jean-Pierre Villechaize aka - Tattoo
read his bizarre story













The baseball stunt from the 30's
















and finally Morris Garage's Version

Big Doings in Greenpoint

Found these recently when I was looking at begining a new project in my old neighborhood in NYC. I don't know if any of you can make out what going on in these images but where the red mark hits the land is where the last of these pictures was taken. Try referencing the Citicorp building. The one with the large slanted top.

The Hills have Eyes

I've
http://www.eyesonthehills.com/

I’ve been watching trailers for this film for the past two days and I just can’t describe how completly stupid this film looks. Although, it’s a remake of the ’77 Wes Craven film which was also not so good but for god’s sake. There are very few things more retarded than radiation growth movies as a plot generating topic. However, this film has decided to bash New Mexico as well.

To that I can only say, that maybe New Mexico (with the exception of Santa Fe) may be spared from colonization from the new American urbanism for another 15 seconds.

On a more humorous note, my weekend was spent working a movie that was filmed in my house. It was fun and the people were very respectful, as well as attractive.

Also, there was no ricin in Moore-Hill and we are still safe…for now. Scare-mongers!!!

blogger jacking

To the untrained eye, it may have just appeared taht my blog was going its normal unfarrowed way, however for the past week - I've been locked out.

Finally back online, I will relish my freedom of speach more heartily.

Song of 27

Though I may be miles away from her,
with years that pass without a word,
I’ve never seen a moon so high,
her name hangs down from there tonight.

So put your little hand away.
I’ve seen such needy days before.
On nights light this, my hope returns,
though I may be miles away from her.

A locket just for good luck
& a pocket knife for long night,
& a sleepy little dreamer,
with still miles to go.

27 take me home,
& pore that last year down my throat.
The days will fade and the nights will burn,
though I may be miles away from her.

I see her in the doorway,
staring a hole right though it all,
the first of many fits, and the last one was
man, the last one was.

So check your lock and close your eyes.
When you wake up I’ll be alright.
Never tell them where it hurts
& keep you bullet safe inside.

The wind has wept and the sky has slurred
& we slept through the sunrise too
& I’m dreaming still, of who we were.
Though, I may be miles away from her.

Mexico Pre-Valentines Day

Terracing the street, in boxes of transparent cellophane, these temporary pharos strut across my little Mexican plaza. The plastic skins, decorated with hearts, roses and ribbons sugar the gift boxes to "los novios". Each, its own tribute to both its future recipient and the small stuffed object at the core of this shrine: a fuzzy red puppy dog, pink heart or desperate teddy bear.

I imagine the little ones ripping into these perfect boxes in search of the love of their fathers and mothers. I imagine the grandparents who give these elaborate bobbles as their own present and those who send them on behalf of parents absent or gone. I imagine the jealousy of those who must watch in want of the box that will never come. I imagine the saving of the young man being doled out in hopes these new feeling of his will be returned. I imagine and I am sad for all of them.

Trying to Remember to Post

A new year! I will try to post more frequently now that the horror of 2005 is done and away. And so, my next building. Take a look. And to answer your first question, the colors are not representative of anthing yet.

My Morning Jacket

I needed it most, when I was eighteen.
But now that im older, I don't need many things.
Just someone to hold, that's what you give me.
When dark touches your skull baby,
Aw babe you can drop that on me.
So I say lord, all the heavens you've made,
Cant hold back the ghosts that haunt my baby and me.
Oh cant ye hold em back, form comin on in,
To a lovely woman, that jus wans her mind back again.
I cannot crumble, what you want this to be.
Or bring peace of mind, if it aint there to see.
Aw if you don't know yourself, how could you ever know me.
But to have and to hold you, yeah that's the way its gotta be.

Bad Holiday for Celebrity Deaths

First him,



















now this..



















The chemically dependant are dropping like flies.

Puppy Injured, No hound to release.

As A Remembrance: 12/12/05,

To all those I was hoping to be in contact with today for various reasons: I will talk to you later.

I am at the animal hospital. Pearl charged a dog and broke free the fence at the Red River house and ran full steam into a car. I will be at the hospital for the next few hours at least or as long as it takes.

Initial reports are good. She was limping and loosing hair due to the shock. She had a small abrasion on her right back foot and a large scratch on her shoulder. She had blood in her mouth and that is the worst of it right now.

I will keep you posted as to the status and please be patient with my replies.


-and later-

I think my little girl is alright. The vet gave her back to me with the same black tread mark across her shoulder, very sore, slightly sluggish puppy who is a little drugged-up. She has no broken bones and they don't think her internals have any damage. She's clearly very shaken up and keeps trembling. The patient is currently snoring loudly at my feet. I still have her blood on my close and I'm sure I was freaking out when I took her to the Vet.

On a weird note, the Vet and her speech impaired assisted did say ask me what about my blood type.

"A-Positive", I told them, "but why do you need to know that?"
Well, after a few hmms and a gaggle of haws and even a longer time staring at the floor, the bald stammering Vets assistant yelped at me, " we tested Pearl and found out that she is expecting a litter of Muppies".

My jaw dropped. I asked the Vet and her slack jawed assistant, "What on gods earth is a 'Muppy'?"

The 50-somthing grey haired granola Vet lady explained to me, "A muppy is a man-puppy". She went on to describe that "Some man, a HUman, has been having sex with your dog and has gotten her pregnant. The only thing we know is that his blood type is type-O".

Then, she kinda stepped back and glared at me. And as one of her eyebrows arched and the corner of her mouth began to curl she grunted " it ain't right to have sex with an DOG".

I quickly paid Pearl's bill cash and left before they got their pitchforks out and chased me down the street with the rest of the angry villagers.

So, I need to have a difficult conversation with Mark tonight.

Thank you all for your concern about Pearl. For those of you whom have not met her she would like to say "thank you". For those who know her well, she asked me to tell you, "woof, woof woof, gurgle, gurgle wheeeh".

Last minute gift Ideas

Anyone want to go in halvies and open a studio with me?

http://austin.craigslist.org/msg/108942788.html

Good press for Architects

long time no post

The Ice Storm of '05.

Leper on the plane

OK, so flying coach was not as bad as I remember it. IT WAS WORSE. Last night on my flight, the guy dozed off and slept so I pulled out my camera and go to shoot the shot of his screwed up flipper. His other hand was worse but I was afraid my fellow passengers would rat me out.

Fresca

Your in love with someone, you know them for years and then, then they change. But you have to allow them their space. Fresca, of which I have been the lead proponant for years has now evolved from Sparkling Citrus (grapefruit) to Blackcherry Citrus and Peach Citrus. As if the new lable wasn't enough I haven't even had these new flavors yet. However, I can tell you that it will only be a matter of time.

Oh, and one more thing. FRESCA RULEZ (thats right with a "z").

And if you haven't tried FRESASCAPE you haven't really used Al Gore's internet.

PS monkey will you call me back when you have time.

such a stange bolt

For the first time in my life I can not speak honestly about everything I'd like too. Time will turn this at my discretion or an others. We will see. Blog's are just to public. (whatever)


But in any event, I’m totally enamored by one of the America's old allies. Who was both the last person to be offered a Dukedom by the British Crown as well as being the first person to be offer a honorary citizenship in the US? Did you guess or did you click on the link? HERE HE IS!

And for grins a picture of a dog. - dig the beard!

Happy Birthday PS, I love you

What can you say that history hasn't already said. Happy 65th.














Also, Steve Gadd was honored at the American Drummers Achievement Awards on Saturday, September 13, 2003. I thought you'd like to know.

NY Subway Scare

Ok, I miss the hell out of NY somedays but this is not one of them. When I picked up CNN's lead this morning about the Subway I thought back to a dozen cocktail conversation that I've had with as many people about the indefensabilty of the subway system and the awesome damage it could cause.

With 490 Subway stations, 4.8 million riders per day and 685 miles of track, 443 of which are underground the mere logistics of the track make it indefensible. My hopes and thoughts goto the people of NYC and the innocents everywhere for that matter. However having been through the post 9/11 personal searches, I'd put my money on the other guys ability to get something through.

It also dawned on me today that with all the dozens of pictures I have of NYC and all the time I spent there I don't have very few photos of a subway.

Jim Reeves

Have you ever listed to a song a hundred times but never really heard it.

Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone.
Let's pretend that we're together, all alone.
I'll tell the man to turn the juke box way down low,
And you can tell your friend there with you he'll have to go.
Whisper to me, tell me do you love me true,
Or is he holding you the way I do?
Tho' love is blind, make up your mind, I've got to know,
Should I hang up, or will you tell him he'll have to go?
You can't say the words I want to hear
While you're with another man,
If you want me, answer "yes" or "no,"
Darling, I will understand.
Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone.
Let's pretend that we're together, all alone.
I'll tell the man to turn the juke box way down low,
And you can tell your friend there with you he'll have to go.

IT'S LOS GRAPADORAS BIRTHDAY

My blog is a year old today. And what a rollercoaster this year has been. So to celebrate I've been working on my boat, designing two different houses, wearing a silly hat and so forth.

For a visual aide, I will attach one of my favorite pictures from NYC. Also hello to Matt and Maggie. Congratulations on your one year anniversary and may you have many happy years together.

I will also attach a story I like from the ONION:

Adult-Entertainment Industry Donates $100,000 In Charity Sex To Hurricane Victims

VAN NUYS, CA—Citing the need for a "nationwide outpouring of love," the American Adult Entertainment Foundation announced Monday that it will donate $100,000 worth of charity sex to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. "We have truckloads of willing, wild, and wet porn-industry professionals heading to refugee centers right now to take it in every hole from Katrina survivors," said AAEF spokeslut Vivica Vixxxen. "We're ready for a no-holes-barred orgy of disaster-relief action." Vixxxen added: "Of course, we'll wait until the victims are rehydrated and rested up enough to manage it."

Austin City Limits

Various Photos from ACL and the people I saw there.


Bike City








the crowd








robert earl keen, jr









wilco







Mark







Jet












Lyle Lovette











Bob Mould






Carrie & Mark






the gang

Dee

M & D in Wellington

Train Song

Train Song
She asks:
Why can’t you sleep tonight,
What’s turning in your mind?
I wanna see the little things,
The ones you try to hide.

She says:
I’ll go get a bottle
And the cigarettes
Meet you on the side poarch
You’ll tell me what you will

And I Try
Oh, I try
But you’ll not get it
Until you’ve lost your mind

You hear:

Carters on the radio
Singin ‘bout his life
You don’t tap your foot at all
Don’t know what it’s about

You ask:

Why do they write trains songs
& pine for their ex-wives?
Why do they love old cars
& drink away their lives?

I couldn’t Try
Oh, Try
Sugar up your gas tank
Not till you’ve lost your Mind

I say:
I wanna tell you something
Bring you on inside
Show you some dirty flowers
Tell you all my lies

I want so much to try again
To faint this pugil stance.
If you pour another round
I might get the chance

And, I try
Oh, I try
But I just get it
When I loose my mind
© los grapadora 9-16-03

Austin City Limits Festival

If you can find a better concert lineup that this one _ I'd say you're lying. Read this list of bands. WOW.


Coldplay
Widespread Panic
Oasis
The Black Crowes
The Allman Brothers Band
Wilco
Roky Erickson & The Explosives
Robert Randolph & The Family Band
Lyle Lovett & his Large Band
John Prine
Lucinda Williams
Buddy Guy
Jet
Dierks Bentley
Thievery Corporation
Arcade Fire
Death Cab for Cutie
Bob Mould Band
Built to Spill
Bloc Party
Steve Earle & The Dukes
Blues Traveler
Franz Ferdinand
Gov't Mule
Drive-By Truckers
Kasabian
Zap Mama
Robert Earl Keen
Keane
Tortoise
Doves
The Black Keys
Kaiser Chiefs
Leo Kottke & Mike Gordon
The Walkmen
Jason Mraz
Rilo Kiley
Spoon
The Decemberists
The Bravery
Eisley
Blue October
Grupo Fantasma
Kermit Ruffins
The Dirty Dozen Brass Band
Bettye La Vette
Rev. Dan Willis & The All Nations Choir
Morgan Heritage
Ricardo Lemvo & Makina Loca
Ruthie Foster
deSol
The Frames
Mates of State
Mindy Smith
Martin Sexton
The Fiery Furnaces
Aterciopelados
Kathleen Edwards
Asleep at the Wheel
M83
Tegan and Sara
Mike Doughty's Band
Split Lip Rayfield
Rachael Yamagata
Bobby Bare Jr.
Mofro
The Ditty Bops
The New Amsterdams
Ambulance Ltd
Slightly Stoopid
dios (malos)
Brave Combo
Aqualung
Dave Alvin & The Guilty Men
John Butler Trio
Bruce Robison
Missy Higgins
Nine Black Alps
Kevin Fowler
Jack Ingram
Cory Morrow
Grady
The Weary Boys
Wayne “The Train” Hancock
Monte Warden
Zykos
Soundteam
Asylum Street Spankers
Pong
Oliver Future
The Real Heroes
Bukka Allen
Hairy Apes BMX
Nic Armstrong & The Thieves
The Lost Trailers
The Gospel Stars
Donna The Buffalo
The Shields of Faith
Star Kids Yoga
The Jones Family Singers
South Austin Jug Band
The Lighthouse Singers
Kacy Crowley
Casey McPherson
Tristan Prettyman
The Massacoustics
Joe McDermott
Sara Hickman
Anthropos
The Palm Elementary School Choir
Lucas Miller
Imagination Movers
Free Sõl
Jeff Black
KJAE
Austin Hartley-Leonard
Maneja Beto
Austin Collins Band
The Biscuit Brothers
Naturally Seven
Patrick Davis
Kelley Hunt
Kate York
The Experiment Experience

Fast + Loose

I wanna wish you Happy Birthday Baby,
Not gonna see your face any more
Don’t need to hash out or settle the score
Let’s forget it happened

Can’t begin to draw it, Baby,
Elegant monster with nothing to loose
Author of this reptilian rouse
That nearly killed me

Can’t spend fast & loose with me anymore

Clutch your dearest wishes, Baby
Picked a name from a magic hat
You chose to abandon all that
Regrets can’t reside with me

You had a right to remain silent, Baby
Your remained silent to be rightSo as the signal fails and the light
Fades from the canyon floor

Can’t spend fast & loose with me anymore

Please leave me to sleep now, Baby
That’s where we meet since the coast
The lingering discourse with your ghost
And I have to speak both parts

If I ever get my head back, Baby
Maybe one day we’ll stand and chat
Ask if you recall this and that
As the only two survivors

Can’t spend fast & loose with me anymore

© los grapadora 9-6-05

Always Curious

Always fun to log on to Stat-counter and see who's reading your blog. You start to wonder why some one in Philadlephia keeps logging on to your blog with no referring website just to see your misc. ramblings.

Top 3 curiousities:

1. Philadelphia, PA (11 visits)
2. Sylva, South Carolina (12 visits)
3. Santa Anna, CA (15 visits)

Who are you guys? (wink wink)

Also at long last - World, meet Pearl. Pearl, meet world. Good, Pearl.







This weeks song will come later tonight. The hammering and construction are blowing my ability to finish it, I didn't work on songs this weekend. I did paint a canvas and build a deck.

So Long as She Spells Bra With a D

Guy #1: She may be the stupidest girl ever.
Guy #2: I think she just pretends she is stupid.
Guy #1: Dude, she spelled Missouri with a Z, and Kansas with a U.
Guy #2: She does have a huge rack, though.
Guy #1: Tremendous!

--34th & Lexington

McCarren Head

The patch I wore over my eye
Only let me see half the arc & line
As I listened to you speak
Or told myself as I went to sleep

Morning, your drink will’ve thin’d
McCarren held my head again

It’s been a long time - tryin to quit
The nanno & insignificant
Mounds of dust and fuzz
The cloud of togetherness

‘night, I’ll sleep where I fall
McCarren held my head another night

The bike I got you to ride
Was never meant a tool of flight
Polished tiles in better places
Than static interstates scenes

Your story will come but
McCarren will hold my head another night

Swerving down Java trailing
Wine and cigarette plums
Hoodies like the hipster
a single job instead of two

You apologize for morning but
McCarren held my head again


© los grapadora 8-30-05

making SUV's Viable isn't Stategic, its middle class welfare

Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman said the White House will tap the U.S. Strategic Petroleum Reserve to help ease concerns about the disaster's effect on the nation's fuel supplies. Katrina on U.S. oil production and refinery capabilities may be worse than initial reports estimated and could lead to a national gas crisis in the short-term, analysts warned Tuesday.

So if you believe there were weapons of mass destruction then keeping gas prices low maybe a strategic concern? Ketchup is a vegetable and Mc Donald’s needs warning labels telling people of the danger of their coffee.

Please god, help the poor people in the gulf coast, Thailand, Sri Lanka and the leaders of the US to stop embarrassing me/us.

Completly inane

This was taken from a wonderful website called "songfacts". Kelly comments were regarding the lesser heard Beatles song, No Reply. And whereas I agree to her/him that it is unfortunate that I will never get to hear The Beatles perform. Its sadder still that John and George are dead. The irony I think will be when Paul is the last living Beatles. The last Beatles concert was in August '66 in Candlestick Park and they last appeared in public in January '69. Sorry, Vato, but I think you're way late on this on. Hell, JL was dead before you were born.

Yep Im 16 and the beatles are so wonderful. its wierd how my parents liked the beatles at my age, and now i adore them...but unfortunatley you can never really see them live anymore...- Kelly, Farmingdale, NY

Amazingly Comprehensive

SLANG SLURS SLANDER

Overheard

It's Bacteria That Gives It The Flavor

Guy: Original flavored yogurt tastes terrible.
Girl #1: You should have seen the faces he was making.
Girl #2: Why? Does it taste like semen?

Guy: I wouldn't know, would you?
Girl #2: I don't know; I've never tasted plain yogurt before!

--Chelsea Market, 9th Avenue

Every Future Touch

I remember most of the places
(I) can see most all their faces
And the way their eyes
Always Looked, just so.

They were skinny,
Some were ample
Others kind and those
Who trampled me,
Until I had to go

All infidels aside
I’m just a little late
I promise dear,
I’m missing you
And every future touch

She wouldn’t talk
Others would rattle;
One would hide me
Another would scatter
Whenever trouble came around

Not for want
Or fear of looking,
One could wash
I’d do the cooking
And hold fast to her
As we rambled through the night

All infidels aside
I’m more than a little late
I promise dear,
I’m missing you
And every future touch

© los grapadora 8-22-05

Settle In

Settle In

Go on + settle in
The fit’ll kick a while;
Cecil brought no word
how it was to die.

What’s mine and yours
were never quite the same;
Pulled along side me
So bright you’d shine

Once you cajoled
Made a wager long;
At the final post
Wish I hadn’t heard.

Roll the way home,
home we use-ta share
at the waters edge
hidden comforts there

Baby blue & Brown
Living in this other town;
Go-cup fingers crossed
The flail with ever end.

Go on + settle in
The fit’ll kick a while;
Kees brings no word
How it had to die.

© los grapadora 8-17-05

missed Friday due to moving - aka VW

Ariel Ramirez

Oh where you lay
Your head tonight
I'll roll away alone
And close on down

Take up your ring
And fly back out
And we'll pretend,
Forget we're dead

Yeah, we'll lay it down
When we're all through
When we're killed or cured
And barely heard

Put Ariel on
And smoke away the night
And do the white net craw
lUntil the hammers fall

I kept your poem here
With all my other gear
But in the end I missed what it meant

Oh where you lay
Your head tonight
I'll roll away alone
And close on down.

the burn

Black Star

Black Star
i get home from work and you're still standing in your dressing gown well what am i to do?
i know all the things around your head and what they do to you.what are we coming to?
what are we gonna do?

chorus
blame it on the black star
blame it on the falling sky
blame it on the satellite that beams me home.

the troubled words of a troubled mind i try to understand what is eating you.
i try to stay awake but its 58hours since that i last slept with you.
what are we coming to?
i just don't know anymore.

i get on the train and i just stand about now that i don't think of you.
i keep falling over i keep passing out when i see a face like you.
what am i coming to?
i'm gonna melt down

ONCE

Once I was dug up I was sinking

I was longing to be saved

I lapped up to the bay bar

And I saw her bobbing like a wave

And I slowed down

Just six months this summer since I've known her

That she's been away

And sometimes I still answer to the gone ghosts

that only suckers make

Slow down and hold on hold on

Even my heroes are almost gone

Almost folding from the flame

But how low can your fuse glow

And warm you until your torch begins to fade

I dreamed of a couple dancing close and drunk

In the spray of lights they made

And once I was dug up I was sinking but now

I'm longing to be saved

I was happier this time last year.

I hope to one day hear Mark Miller and his wife record this song.

Expectations in three

Chorus:

Pride packs her bags and she barded the train with desire
As I stood at the station, I said goodbye
To the fine line between high and dry


I don’t ask for much cause I’ve given up trying
To get through one day with nobody lying
And nothing taken away
If you gave me three wishes I would be done with the dishes
And the Children would sleep just once through the night
And then there might be a way

Chorus

If I could know anything, I would know where you are
And I would know why you left and why you’re always so far
So high and so far away

If I could be anything I’d be that girl on the swing
I’d be the man on the train who helps his wife with her bags
And put an end to the shame

Chorus 2X:

If I had all the kings’ money I would pay off these bills
And have a night on the town and make a run for the hills
And stop this hanging around

© Mark Miller 2005

It's not what you know, it's that you know

It's been pointed out to me that the previous posting might be taken the wrong way. But I say fine. I didn't ask for a divorce nor did I give up on my wife for unreasonable reasons (in fact at all, I stuck by her). So if she or anyone else can't see the humor in the previous post which is from the Onion then to Hell with them. It's funny. The Onion says so.

As for the rest of it, I'd rather have my reasonable wife back as compared to the life I have now, but that is not to be. So, here I am. Waiting for the papers she says she will send. In many ways I hope she does. I never expected to find a woman I wanted to marry, so she was a suprise but I also never expected to chose someone so weak of will. Here I am, 32 with a woman who told me she only chose me in order to get out of Sedona.

I would have bought her a bus ticket. I should have given her the divorce she wanted in the Thai Chung Airport.

I'M A FUCKED UP CHICK MAGNET (TAKEN FROM THE ONION) but funny

Hey, I don't want to brag, but when you got it, you got it. And when it comes to picking up women with severe personality disorders, I've got it. Seems like whenever I'm in the same room with a sexy young nutcase looking for some hot dysfunctional action, we lock eyes and I gaze right into the twisted, abnormal recesses of her psyche, and then—bam! We make an instant, undeniable, and incredibly unhealthy connection. What can I say? When it comes to women, I'm a fucked-up-chick magnet.

I know what you're thinking: "Who is this guy to sound so full of himself?" I'm not being egotistical—it's just true. Hey, I know I'm not perfect. Who is? We've all got problems. I'm sure I've got some myself. But here's one problem I don't have: the ladies. When it comes to charming every borderline psycho in a skirt, I take second place to no man. I guess I just give off that "Hey there, pretty lady with the lifelong unresolved emotional issues" vibe. It can't be taught—you either got it or you don't. And I got it.

Everywhere I go, all kinds of psychiatrically disturbed women come running—women who never got over a traumatic childhood accident, or habitually cut themselves, or slept with their stepfathers, or abuse substances while locked in self-destructive cycles of internalized loathing and rage. They just can't keep their hands off me.

It's been this way my whole life. When I was 14, I got lucky with a classmate's mom. In high school, I dated every bipolar suicide risk in town. In college, I had at least a dozen girlfriends who couldn't decide whether they were mental patients or lesbians. It's just the way it is: Deranged dolls dig me.

I don't even have to try. Maybe it's chemistry, or pheromones, or these women can tell I'm afflicted with a complementary set of psychiatric disorders and their fucked-up-female intuition just can't resist. Whatever it is, I'm not complaining. All I have to do is show up at a bar, and before last call, every damaged woman in the place will make a beeline for yours truly, looking to get me entangled in a horrific web of codependency, manipulation, and mutual denial.

The sex is great, too. Believe me, all these highly unstable women have so many self-esteem issues, identity crises, and subconscious needs for approval from absent or emotionally abusive father figures, they'll do practically anything to try to please a man, no matter how self-destructive it is. Sweet!

Take this hot little nutjob who picked me up last weekend. Talk about crazy between the sheets! She cleaned my pipes six ways from Sunday before breaking down in tears out of nowhere at 4 a.m., screaming irrational threats, and trying to throw my stereo out the second-story window. Luckily, I was able to calm her down with a little TLC—time-release lithium capsules—and get her into a cab before she caused any serious property damage. But still, she can't stay away—she's been leaving, like, eight voicemail messages an hour on my cell phone. Hey, once they get a little taste of the old Deanster, they always come back for more... even after multiple restraining orders and injunctions.

All I can do is shrug and say, "Crazy women go crazy for me."

Lots of guys have asked for my secret, saying stuff like, "Wow, you sure can pick 'em," or "Dude, you need help." They can't understand how I manage to attract so many hot, wild, desperately pathological chicks. But I can't tell you my secret... It's just some kind of inexplicable magic.

Well, whatever it is, I'm enjoying every fucked-up minute of it.

Can't write my mind like I want it to Read

To my oldest Pal:

Ship me somewheres east of Suez,
where the best is like the worst,
Where there aren't no Ten Commandments
an' a man can raise a thirst;
For the temple-bells are callin',
an' it's there that I would be
By the old Moulmein Pagoda,
looking lazy at the sea;
On the road to Mandalay,
Where the old Flotilla lay,
With our sick beneath the awnings
when we went to Mandalay!
O the road to Mandalay,
Where the flyin'-fishes play,
An' the dawn comes up like thunder
outer China 'crost the Bay !

Whale of a Tale

Been writing all of this stuff down and making spread sheets trying to keep it all straight. Bullet Points just weren't cutting it. I've finally making alot of sense and actually a really fantastical story of bizarre but true events. Sure I'll have to fictionalize the ending; cuting and pasting all the emails, linking the missing pieces from from friends from the Dr's, therapists, "experts", the miles traveled, dark and light places visited and at such strange times and places. The cast alone is nuts.

Its all completely ridiculous and sometimes I think I can almost wake up from all this and see the blinds of an old bedroom but thats what makes it real. Crazy - thats the prognosis by everyone - I say fucking Hilarious, cerca Billy Bob Thorton in the intro scene to Badder Santa.

Friday again and I'm not closer

I can't begin to describe the amount of dissapointment that I feel every tedious moment of the day and night for last 3 months. Disspointed in my life and my wife. Dissappointed in the decisions of sacrifice I've made along the way and dissappointed in myself for leaning on those around me.

I would still try just about anything to salvage the relationship with her but her continual hostillity has not subsided for more than a few occasions in our limited communication. Her hatred and accusations are seemingly never ending. I can't even deal with it anymore, I just have to let it slide. I can't fight with her for no reason. I'm can't live with the anger. I'm just not that unhappy with another human being that I would still call up an tell I love (which she does).

To her, I am a lyer, a thief, a adulter and an abandoner. None of which are true. I've appologized till I'm blue in the face and it does no good. I can not get her forgiveness and she feels she owes none for her transgressions. I'm tired of this wound it hurts too bad.

Well here I am. What do I do now? What a strange purgatory I now reside in. Can't move forward can't go back, don't really like where I (as a person) am. Austin is good and comfortable and fun. Sailing, casual shorts, running, riding in the jeep, working on Mark's house, 40 hours, safety from terrorism.

What the hell is next?